thinkingBorn into this life as women, we take a unique position in the lives of those who are a part of our life. As young girls, we are the doll babies in our families lives. We are dressed in ribbons, bows and lace. We are encouraged to play grown up with play kitchens, play houses and princess tiaras. We are encouraged to conform, with lessons on “What girls do?“ and “How girls act?“ We are “ooo’d” over as we sing and dance. Many times out of tune and out of step. We learn to perform as expected and believe in “fancy“, a happily ever after.

As teens, we learn to interact with boys. We learn to dress to please, to listen intently (the perfect audience) and take our position as their biggest supporter. We are the never-ending fuel supply to their needs. We eagerly take our place in their system of beliefs and wait our turn. We learn to lie during sex and satisfy their needs. We continue to learn to perform as expected and believe in “fancy“.

We move into womanhood with our first child. Once again we adjust. We become the nurturer, the teacher and the protector. We love and take care of our child, willing to sacrifice anything for their good. We continue to learn to perform as expected and now dream of “fancy“.

Then as our children grow and create their own lives, we adjust again into the role of grandmother. And with the addition of this role, comes the most demand. The hats in our closet are now many. Wife, mother and grandmother now, is the happily ever after here now? Our roles are many, the expectations of us vast. But we flourish, driven by the challenge, judging our happiness by the success and happiness of those we love. We’ve become the expert performer and have forgotten the “fancy“.

broken heartedBut should we always adjust? Should we always sacrifice? When is enough, enough? When do you pull back the hand that’s always been there? Do you sacrifice your health and happiness for those you love? Can they alienate your friends and take your memories? Should they be able to take your money, threaten your livelihood or pawn belongings? Can they threaten your safety or have you live in fear? Do you give up your sanity for them? How many times are the allowed to break your heart?

If you find the courage to pull back the helping hand and say no, how do you live with yourself? You can never stop loving. You think about them and worry about them daily. And as you go through your days, you divert your eyes from the un-approving glances, faltering under the guilt of not helping just one more time. You’ve failed to perform as expected and there will never be any “fancy“.  There will never be a happily ever after.

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