We all Pretend…

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East?

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Again

DEPRESSION_by_optiknerve_grThe nights are longer now.

The air is cold some how.

All I know is, I’m alone once again.

.

I’ve heard it all before,

I dreamed this time would come,

but there’s no comfort, no solace in the words.

— charliey4

Change

change

Any change, even a change for the better,

is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.

Arnold Bennett

Change, my life right now is in a constant state of change.  And yes, Mr. Bennett is right.  It is accompanied by many drawbacks and discomforts.

I’ve always been resistant to change on the inside, while on the outside displaying (or trying to display) the strong, adventurous, scared of nothing persona.  And when I did change something in my life, it was selected carefully and only one thing at a time was changed.

So what got into me?  I have totally turned my world upside down.  I’ve dumped out everything and replaced it with new and alien things.  I’m lost, alone, uncomfortable and confused.

I hate mania……..I hate the pain of change.

Who is in your support family?

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Mistakes

abstract-painting-helpinghandThe man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.

By : Edward Phelps

Uncontrollable Emotions

deression“I am getting tired of pretending that I am happy..pretending that I am okay. I am not happy. I am not okay. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I know that I am surrounded by people who care about me.. but it is not enough. It is not enough because just because someone cares about you and can try and listen to you.. it does not mean they understand you. They do not know what you think about, they do not know that at night time you feel so lonely……….” excerpt from Uncontrollable Emotions.

Isn’t it true?  Everyone can have the best of intentions but they just don’t get it.  Unless you’re someone who is trying to manage depression and/or bipolar disorder, it’s impossible to really understand the depths of the loneliness.  I’ve reached out to close friends in my circle and educated them on my illness, asked for their help and even written down what they can do to help me.  My moods come and go, and none of them reach out to be to offer help.  All I get is painful comments about ‘getting over it’ or ‘you were more fun last week’.

I stand on my own, armed with the weapons I can find.  It’s me against bipolar.  Come on!  Give me your best shot.

 

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