Law of Attraction


People think about what they don’t want and attract more of the same.”

By : Author unknown

I am


indexI am not a has-been.

I am a will be.

-Lauren Bacall

Thinking too much



“The surest way to become Tense, Awkward, and Confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard –

one that thinks too much.”

Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

Then they came for the mentally ill…

Then they came for the mentally ill….


Please read the above.


Over the years I have hidden my mental illness from family, friends….. everyone including myself sometimes.  It is just recently that I have accepted my Bipolar disorder as one of the unique traits that makes me, me.  I’ve just gotten out from under my own thumb and now I may be tagged and labeled as sub-human in the governments’ eye.  Then why do I hold down a job, pay bills and taxes, vote, etc… just like a “real” person.  And damn it, I do it very well.


They can’t do this!

A Mothers Request

….. she stood in the crowded court room, alone.  With shaking hand, she held the crumpled sheet.  With all eyes on her, she read….

“Thank you to the court for hearing me today.
I am the mother and one of the emotional and financial victims of the defendant, my son. 
Less than a year ago, I found myself in a similar court room awaiting the outcome of my sons latest run in with the law.  I stood before the Judge and stated that if he was released, I would not and could not take Joshua into my home or be financially responsible for him.  I also stated my serious concerns that if release into the public, the pattern would be repeated.  He was being set up for failure. 
Upon his release, I watched an all to familiar pattern repeat itself.  Released sober and with determination to do right, he got a job and found a place to stay.  Concerned of the measures he might resort to for the basic necessities of life, I paid the rent and provided other small bits of financial support at great sacrifice to myself.  Within a week, Joshua had succumbed to temptation and had lost his job.  Over the following weeks, in brief moments of sobriety and desperation, I witnessed him calling his parole officer, explaining his situation and requesting help.  I helped him with phone calls and letters to programs.  I even provided him transportation to an out of state program for an interview, risking my employment.  By this time, it was obvious he was using, and was not eligible for the program.  There was nothing new about what happened over these months.  It has been repeated many times over the years.  In record time, he had spiraled down into his familiar ways; using, lieing, manipulating and stealing.
My son is bright and charismatic, but he is an addict of at least 18 years.  He has a substance addiction, but also a mental and life style addiction.  He has no knowledge, skills or ability to function as a productive, law abiding member of society for any length of time.  I accept my role in his lack of coping skills and have done everything in my power to get him on the right track but that is not going to fix the problem now.  My son is an adult.  I can not take him back to his teenage years and re-educate him.  I can not afford to put him in a private facility that he can walk out of.  And I can not watch him be released back into society to prey on others, as well as myself.
I implore the court to hear my request.  If the court decides to give my son another chance, give him a real chance.  Do not be lenient.  His success requires being educated with basic life coping skills, cause and affect, respect, etc.  Something long term, in-house and strict I believe is the only chance to overcome all his addictions.   He’s been in enough little 2 – 3 month drug rehabilitation programs that he could probably teach one.  He needs to be taught the basics of being human and he does not have enough respect or fear of me, for me to take the job.
Please consider my words for my greatest fear is not that I will be standing in court in another year, but that I will be standing in the morgue.”
My heart died a little as I watched her leave the court room, head dropped, quietly sobbing.  What has addiction done to our families? our communities? our nation? our world?  How many heart broken parents must stand before their God, their community and their children and make such a wish?
Addiction comes in so many forms.  From the simplest addiction to chocolate, addictions drive our actions.  Please take a moment and do a self inventory.  How do your additions, no matter how small, effect your life? your loved ones?  Now, more than ever, if believe in the following:
Do as you will, but harm none.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am a big advocate for individuality and self expression.  But we can be ourselves and still be human.  The above are fantastic, rulers to measure our actions by.  Authored long, long ago and since nearly forgotten, these statements need to see a re-birth into mainstream.  I know the world will never achieve the sought after vision of “one big, happy place all working together and helping each other”.  But why can’t we do our part.  If we don’t get it started (even if it’s just in our small circle).  It will never have a chance.

But St. Peter, It’s in my other pants…..

id cards - nol2meThe other day I was standing in the check out line at my local grocery and a fellow line stander made the comment, “Oh, I see you work for xxxx.  Is that interesting work?”  Did this person have ESP?  Had I crossed paths with her at work?  The confusion must have been obvious, since she immediately followed up with, “I am so sorry.  I noticed on your badge……”  And there you have it.  In the rush to get my errands run, I had forgotten to take off my work ID Badge.  After some awkward small talk, I checked out and nearly dropped my groceries trying to get my ID badge off while on the way to the car.  And as usual, that got me to thinking.

How many of us can remember the day we were inducted into the “Got to have an ID society”?  I can.  I was proudly standing in line for my first photo ID, my driver’s license.   How many of us can remember the same experience?  As our lives became fuller, we added to the collection club id’s, trade id’s, military id’s, etc.   All of them photo id’s proudly showing our affiliations.  But they were all kept private, in our wallets, rarely seeing the light of day.

school ids - nol2meNow everywhere you turn, people have their ID either hanging from their neck or pinned to their shirt.  I understand times have changed.  Security is now a major concern for all types of organizations.   But, remember when if you saw someone with identification handing from their neck, you considered them an odity.  I did.  After all who would want to move through their daily routine with their name hanging out there for the world to see.  Today, children wear ID’s to go to school.  Employees wear ID’s in order to enter their place of employment or conduct business.  Everyone has to have their identification out their for the world to see in order to prove they belong where they are.

membership cards - nol2meTo expand on that thought, add to it all the membership cards.  I have to carry a separate wallet to contain all the different cards.  If I want a few cents off, “points” added to an account, or entry in a members only promotion, I have to present a membership card.  Have we all gone overboard?

upc code tattoo - nol2mWhat are we trying to prove?  An ID or membership card is not going to secure who we are, where we belong or what we deserve.  With very little effort, I found a web site proudly advertising the ability to reproduce any ID or card.  If we truly need our identification verified and our memberships confirmed, let’s take a chapter from the science fiction world.  Let’s all get implanted with micro chips or tattooed with a UPC code.  As we move through our lives and gain more memberships and affiliations, change the programing of the damn thing.   subdermal microchip - nol2meIf we get a speeding ticket or go to jail, throw that in their also.  Include our credit score, annual income, family status and deductions to make it complete.  Now with one form of ID, permanently attached to our person, anyone can verify all the useless information that makes us who we are in today’s society.  And Big Brother can manage the data base.  This would benefit the ecology, less paper.  It would create jobs, people to collect, input and edit the data….. Sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it?

You may agree it sounds silly, but my opinion is that we are heading in that direction.  Everything about our lives is in a data base somewhere.  We eagerly hand over more information in order to get an ID, membership or discount.  We are feeding a monster with an insatiable appetite.  So when the day comes and I’m standing in front of the pearly gates, when St.Peter asks what I did with my life, I hope I can find my membership card.

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