Hear Me Roar! after I clear my throat

Self Doubt - NOL2meHello world!  Here I am in front of my computer typing my first post on my internet podium.  Under the banner,  “my opinion will be heard”, I’m ready to shout it from the mountain tops!  And here I sit.  Hold on a minute, let me go get something to drink.  I know I’ll be here a while…  Over the years I know I’ve had some real gems yet when I reach into my memory my hand is coming back empty.  What was I thinking?  What made me think I had anything worth publishing?  Was this all a mistake?

Self doubt, I wrestle with it on a regular basis.  Self judgement and self criticism all for the fear of making a mistake has crippled me in the past and still lines my current path with pot holes big enough to swallow a Volkswagen. 

Self doubt has plagued me since childhood.  The experts say a lack of a positive environment and an acceptance that everyone makes mistakes, plays a big role it our ability or inability to have faith in our decisions.  (Thanks Dad.)  Because of a lack of faith in my decisions, I would let others make them for me.  Another poor decision made.  This seemed to reinforce my self-doubt instead of removing the decision-making pressure.  A self-perpetuating negative circle, how am I going to break out?

It’s been a long, hard journey.  I’ve been trying to get off the path of self-doubt for nearly 30 years. I’ve slowly started having a little faith in my decisions, accepting compliments, believing I can do it on my own.  I am accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes and have started forgiving myself.  This simply said and hard to institute piece of advise is freeing me from that part of myself that wants to keep me trapped inside that self-perpetuating circle of blame, guilt and fear.  My spirit, yes spirit, that free, creative, loving part of myself is beginning to breath.

Now that I’ve started forgiving myself, I find myself forgiving others.  I’m no longer holding grudges and hatred towards people who I thought had wronged me.  Things people do or say, no longer cause gaping caverns in my believe in self.   I’m not saying I’m made out of granite now.  Every decision is not quick and decisive.  It’s worlds better though.  Maybe I’ve graduated to limestone.  Here’s to wishing for only light rains.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Lonnie
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 22:41:50

    I’ve always thought you could do it on your own. The last 8 years are proof of that if nothing else.Roar like a lion baby! I’ll just keep being the monkey.

    Reply

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